A skier and a gamer walk into a bar. Bartender looks up and says "What is this? Some sort of joke?"

Let's call him "Mike."  Mike was somewhat funny and could keep a conversation going online, so we met up at a divey bar in Harvard Square.  Dinner, drinks, mediocre conversation...it was pretty standard.  Mike wanted to go to JP Licks after dinner because he was new to Boston and had some bizarre fascination with our ice cream.  He talked a lot about the new car he was buying the next day ($33,000 car...I'd tell you what kind it was, but as a Ford Focus driver my eyes just glossed over and I started daydreaming about unicorns) and gaming.  Red flags!  But what are you gonna do? 

I was drinking an IPA (obvi).  Mike was drinking Guinness (sidenote: he forgot his ID).  There was a sign behind me for Stella Artois.  Mike goes "Stella?  I've never heard of it."  Sigh.  I recommended he order it for his next beer.  He did.  

The beer came and Mike looked at it and said "The waitress must not have heard me.  She brought me another Guinness."

Me: "That's not a Guinness."

Mike: "Yes it is.  It tastes the same."

Me: "They're two very different colors.  Because they're different beers."

Mike:  "Nope, they're the same."

Me: "Waitress, can you please bring us a sample of Guinness?  He thinks this Stella is a Guinness."

Waitress brings the sample.

Mike:  "No, they're the same beer."

Me:  "Even if you were colorblind, you would be able to see that one of those beers is translucent, and one isn't."  

This went on and on.  Of course I couldn't drop it, because I was right and I was getting frustrated that he was so stupid and so clearly not a drinker. 

Finally the check came.  Mike took a look at the check, practically shouted "SIXTY DOLLARS" and threw down $30.  He didn't even put down enough for a tip.  So I had to pay not only my half (Guys-Rule #1: Always pay for the first date) but I also had to leave the whole tip for both of us.  I guess he was saving that money for the down payment on his $33,000 car.  

This guy still wanted to go to JP Licks, so I went to the ladies room, and when I got back he went to the men's room.  While he was in the men's room I started dreading the remainder of the date, so I peaced out.  As I was getting into my car he texted me "Are you still here?  I just got back to the table and you were gone."  I didn't respond.

After that I did feel a little guilty about leaving the guy at the bar, and I was afraid of what he was going to say to me so I didn't check my match account for 19 days.  Finally I mustered up the courage to check, and lo and behold there was an email from him that he sent the next day saying he had fun last night and would like to do it again!  Clearly this guy doesn't know how to interpret social cues.  Such as a girl leaving him at a bar.